Kathy Jaffe, LCSW anxiety and relationship therapist in CA & FL
You don’t have to keep living small—
Live the Bold Beautiful Joyful life you deserve!
Tired of constantly feeling like you are doing life wrong. Ready to stop apologizing for just existing?
You’re in the right place.
The “I”m just fine” lie
You seem to have it all together, everyone thinks you're doing just fine. Well, of course, they do since "I'm fine." is one of your favorite responses. Yet, on the inside, you are screaming and crying and uncertain of so many things. You are tired of the nagging sense that you aren’t enough (whatever this enough is–you are clearly falling short). Despite all of the books, podcasts, and “7 steps to a happy life” blogs/articles that you have consumed, there is a painful disconnect between the life you want and the one that you are living.
Learning to tune in
It's no wonder so many of my clients feel disconnected from themselves and have difficulty listening to their own wisdom in a culture that teaches us to look outward for acceptance and validation. My first step in working with you is to help you reconnect with your inner world and feelings.
Learning to listen and trust your own experience is the first step in healing. This may feel foreign and unnatural, but with practice, you will find that this is a key to getting a life that feels true and authentic, even if you initially tell me that your body feels nothing and that feeling “feelings” is just stupid. I absolutely get it and have had those same experiences with my own therapist and in my healing journey.
Practice makes Progress
Let’s get clear, healing isn’t a quick fix. It is a process. It often feels like a spiral path where you may circle back around things you feel like you have already dealt with. I understand how frustrating that can be. Our work together will get to the deeper roots of issues so that new pathways will become part of your life. This will require some work on your end. In our weekly sessions together I will teach you some new ways of listening to your body and new skills to practice. Change happens when you take the skills into the world and use them.
My role in this
The most important thing for me is that I create a space for you to feel safe and seen. With warmth and compassion, I open the door for you to show your full self, nothing is off limits. All of you is welcome here- even the parts that you may have been taught were unlovable and unwanted. I will hold all that you bring with compassion and love until you are able to do the same for yourself.
I will also be with you when you let me know that “feeling your feelings” is bullshit and stupid. I get it. We can be with that too.
A Fellow Traveler*
I grew up in a family that never knew what to do with all of my “big emotions” so over the years I learned to not have any. I learned to say “I’m fine” even when I was not. The problem with this was that I often felt alone. It took broken bones, surgeries, a cancer diagnosis, and lots of my own therapy and training to learn to let my guard down and step off my self-imposed island of not needing anything from anybody. The biggest lesson I learned is that healing could not be done by thinking my way out of it–instead of intellectualizing, I had to learn to embody the teachings. As a mom of two boys and a wife to an adventurous husband that often encourages me to live out of my comfort zone, I now have an opportunity for daily practice in courage and vulnerability.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change”
“To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.”
My core values
These guiding principles have developed out of my training and education as a social worker, my continued personal and spiritual growth path, and are inspired by many incredible mentors and teachers. I strive to practice and embody each of these in my own daily practices and they all guide the way in which I see the world and serve the work that I do.
Compassion
The definition of compassion is “to suffer together.” Through practice, we can cultivate and build our capacity to face suffering in ourselves and in the world in ways that move us to more action and can help alleviate suffering.
Connection
One of my mentors speaks of the “human biome”— the idea is that as humans we can adapt to many environments, but we do not survive in isolation. Our very survival depends on our ability to be in connection with others, yet so many people have developed survival strategies that make true connections hard.
Authenticity
A practice of showing up as the most real and true version of myself that I can. This isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. It is a practice that helps deepen the relationship with self and with others.
Embodiment
Our culture tends to value our left-brain thinking and rational selves above all else. The truth is that as humans we need all of ourselves to be connected to our experiences, brain, body, and senses.
Social Justice
This is embedded in my training as a social worker. When one person suffers, we all suffer. The world is a better place when we can see the humanity in each other person and take action to ensure that all people are treated accordingly.
Radical Self Love
This comes from the work of Sonya Renee Taylor and is a game-changer. This practice is embedded in the truth that we were born good and that no matter what messages have been handed to us along the way— our bodies are rooted in goodness and love.
Training & Education
Master of Social Work, California State University, San Bernardino
LCSW 64241 in California and registered for telehealth with FL state
Trauma Resiliency Model
Certified Facilitator in The Daring Way
Ongoing studey of Interpersonal Neurobiology with Juliane Taylor Shore including STAIR method, The Neurobiology of Feeling Safe- Working with Boundaries Inside and Outm Tracking Neural Networks- A Client-Centered Path to Help People discover their Truth, Empowerment and Inner Wisdom
Relational Life Therapy, levels 1 and 2
Internal Family Systems Informed
Functional Family Therapy
My training never ends.
Books, books, and more books…
There is not enough time for all of the books. While graduate school was a great introduction to my training, I am a lifelong learner and always have a nightstand full of the latest and greatest.
