There Is No Cure for Being Human: Finding Connection in the Messiness of Midlife
Meta Description: Discover how anxiety, perfectionism, and spiritual paradox shape the second act of life. Online therapy for women in midlife in Redlands, CA and throughout California.
Life has a way of reminding us, especially in midlife, that there is no cure for being human. No matter how much we plan, achieve, or strive for control, we are still met with loss, uncertainty, and vulnerability. For many of the women I work with in online therapy across California, this season of life is filled with questions about identity, connection, and what it means to live with both purpose and presence.
"No Cure for Being Human" is more than a phrase—it's an invitation. It's the title of Kate Bowler's poignant memoir about facing a cancer diagnosis at 35 and learning to live in a world that is both tragic and beautiful. That paradox sits at the center of so much of our midlife experience: grief and gratitude, loneliness and love, control and surrender.
The Tenderness of Being Human
Being human means we will experience heartache, failure, and uncertainty. But it also means we have the capacity for deep connection, compassion, and growth. So often, the pressure to be perfect—to have the right career, the right house, the right plan—can disconnect us from our own tenderness.
Many women in their second act of life come to therapy wrestling with anxiety and perfectionism. They feel they should have it all figured out by now. And when life doesn't look or feel the way they expected, it can spark shame or self-criticism. Sometimes that shows up as over-functioning: striving, achieving, performing. Other times it looks like avoidance, distraction, or procrastination. Either way, the deeper need is the same: a longing to belong and be seen.
Understanding Anxiety and Perfectionism in Midlife
Anxiety in midlife often hides behind high-functioning behaviors. Women who have spent decades managing others’ needs may feel disoriented when their usual strategies no longer work. Perfectionism, once a coping tool, becomes a source of pressure. The voice that says, "Just try harder," becomes louder, even as energy and clarity wane.
In therapy, we explore the roots of that perfectionism and the fears beneath it. Often, it's the fear of being not enough—of disappointing others, of being seen as flawed, of losing control. These themes are especially common for women in midlife who are navigating transitions in career, parenting, relationships, or health.
Learning to meet anxiety with compassion and curiosity, rather than judgment, can open new possibilities for healing and connection.
Embracing Spiritual Paradox
Spiritual paradox is the idea that we can hold two seemingly contradictory truths at once: that life is painful and beautiful, that we are flawed and worthy, that we can love people and also be disappointed by them. This is where healing happens.
Parker Palmer writes, "The only way to become whole is to put our arms lovingly around everything we've shown ourselves to be." In therapy, I guide clients to embrace their wholeness—to hold their rage alongside their compassion, their grief alongside their joy.
When we stop trying to fix or perfect ourselves, we can begin to accept the fullness of our human experience. This is not about giving up; it's about waking up.
The Practice of Love and Connection
I often say that love is a practice. And like any practice, it's hard. Love asks us to show up when it's uncomfortable, to stay present when we're hurt, and to open our hearts even when it's easier to shut down.
bell hooks, in her work on love and liberation, speaks to this beautifully: "There are times I get up in the morning and I think, Okay. Who am I to love today? That is not a choice based on who I think is cute or who I want to spend time with, but it is the recognition of the hunger we all have for love."
Women in midlife often carry a deep hunger for connection. The roles they’ve filled may be shifting—children growing up, careers evolving, or relationships changing. Therapy becomes a place to explore what love and connection look like now, especially when old patterns or narratives no longer serve.
A Messy Kind of Wisdom
I call what I offer "messy wisdom": the kind of insight that comes not from having all the answers, but from living through the questions. It's wisdom that makes space for contradictions and compassion.
Some days, I feel in tune with the universe. Other days, someone cuts me off in traffic on a mountain road, and I feel like love is the last thing on my mind. That’s the messy part. That’s also the human part.
In this space of honesty and paradox, we begin to discover a new kind of belonging—one that isn't based on perfection, but on presence.
Join Me in This Practice
I offer online therapy for women in midlife across California, including Redlands and surrounding areas. My work is grounded in relational healing, mindfulness, and spiritual integration. Together, we explore how to meet your humanity with grace, how to manage anxiety and perfectionism, and how to find meaning in the mess.
If you’re ready to embrace the paradoxes of your own life—to soften the inner critic and strengthen your connection to what matters most—I invite you to reach out. You don't have to do this alone.
