What to Expect in Your First Therapy Session in Redlands
Starting therapy takes courage. And if you’re anything like most of the women I work with, you’ve probably spent the days before your first session running through a quiet loop of questions.
What will she ask me? What if I don’t know how to explain it? What if I cry? What if I say the wrong thing?
Here’s the thing I most want you to know before we even begin: you can’t do therapy wrong.
There’s no trick to the questions. No right answer I’m looking for. The experience you’re having — whatever it is — is exactly the right experience to bring. It matters. It’s important. And it’s enough.
If you’re looking for a broader guide to finding the right therapist in Redlands, I’ve written about that here. This post is just about that very first session — what happens, what to expect, and how to show up in a way that helps you feel most comfortable.
Before You Log On
Because I work with clients throughout California via telehealth, our sessions happen over HIPAA-compliant video rather than in person. When you schedule your first session you’ll receive a welcome email with a link to my client portal where you’ll complete some brief intake paperwork before we meet. Your session link will be sent to you by both email and text so it’s easy to find when you need it.
A few things that will help you get the most out of your first session:
Find a quiet, private space where you won’t be interrupted. This might be a room in your home, a parked car, or anywhere you can close the door and have some privacy. What matters is that you feel free to speak without worrying about who might hear.
Have some tissues nearby if you want them. Not because I expect you to cry — though that’s completely welcome if it happens — but because having them there means you won’t have to think about it.
Allow yourself to be physically comfortable. Sit somewhere you can settle in. Have water nearby. You don’t need to be at a desk or sitting up straight. This is therapy, not a job interview.
The First Few Minutes
We’ll start simply — getting settled, making sure the technology is working, and beginning to get a feel for each other. There’s no rush. The first few minutes are about arriving, not about diving in.
You’ll have already completed some intake paperwork so I’ll have a basic sense of what’s been going on for you. But paperwork only tells part of the story. The first session is where I get to hear the rest — in your words, at your pace.
What I’m Most Curious About
Here’s where my first session probably looks a little different from what you might expect.
I’m not going to hand you a clipboard and work through a symptom checklist. I’m not going to ask you to rate your anxiety on a scale from one to ten. What I’m most curious about — right from the beginning — is what you’re hoping for.
I often ask something like: imagine we’ve been working together for a while and something has genuinely shifted. What’s different? What does your life look like? What are you able to do or feel or be that you can’t access right now?
This question — sometimes called a miracle question in therapy — isn’t about setting unrealistic expectations. It’s about getting underneath the surface of why you’re here. Not just the symptoms, but the deeper longing underneath them. Your “Big Why.”
When I understand that, we can shape our work together around something that actually matters to you — not a generic treatment goal, but something specific and meaningful to your life. By the end of the first session we’ll usually have a beginning sense of what we’re working toward together, and we’ll make that explicit so we both know where we’re headed.
A Glimpse of How We Work
One of the things I want you to begin experiencing in our very first session — not just hearing about, but actually experiencing — is what it feels like to slow down.
Most of us spend our days moving fast. Thinking, managing, handling. We’re very good at talking about our experience from a slight distance — narrating it, analyzing it, explaining it. What we’re often less practiced at is actually being with it.
So at some point in our first session I’ll probably invite you to pause. To check in with what’s happening inside you right now, in this moment. Not what you think about it — but what you notice. A sensation. A feeling. A place in your body where something is alive.
This might feel unfamiliar at first. Maybe even a little strange. That’s completely okay — most people aren’t used to being asked to pay attention this way. We’ll go slowly and I’ll follow your lead entirely. There’s no right way to do this part either.
What I’m beginning to build with you in that moment is a different kind of relationship with your own inner experience. One where it’s safe to notice what’s actually there.
How You Might Feel Afterward
First sessions tend to bring up a mix of things. Here’s what I see most often:
Relief. Sometimes just the act of finally naming what’s been sitting heavy brings an immediate sense of release. You’ve been carrying something alone and now someone else knows. That matters more than it might sound.
Hope. Hearing your own experience reflected back — not judged, not minimized, not fixed, just seen — can feel surprisingly clarifying. Many clients leave the first session with a sense that something different is actually possible.
Tiredness. Emotional work is real work. You might feel a little wrung out afterward, even if the session felt mostly gentle. That’s normal. Be kind to yourself for the rest of the day if you can.
Uncertainty. You might also leave wondering if you said the right things, or whether this is going to help, or whether I really understood. That uncertainty is welcome too. Bring it to the next session. It’s useful material.
One More Thing Before We Meet
You don’t need to prepare a speech. You don’t need to have your story organized or your feelings sorted. You don’t need to know exactly what’s wrong or be able to explain it clearly.
You just need to show up. Whatever you bring is enough to begin.
If you’re ready to schedule your first session or want to start with a free consultation to see if we’re a good fit, I’d love to hear from you. I offer online therapy throughout California — and the first step is always just a conversation.
Author Bio
Kathy Jaffe, LCSW is a therapist in Redlands, CA specializing in work with women navigating anxiety, trauma, relationships, and midlife transitions. She offers online therapy throughout California via telehealth. Her approach draws on interpersonal neurobiology, somatic therapy, and mindfulness-based models including ACT and DBT-informed skills — and a deep belief that your system already knows how to heal. Learn more about working with her.
