7 Questions to Ask a Therapist in Redlands Before Your First Session
Choosing a therapist can feel like one more overwhelming thing on an already overwhelming list.
You’ve finally decided to reach out — which is no small thing — and now you’re supposed to somehow evaluate strangers on the internet and figure out which one is right for you. It’s a lot to ask of someone who is already running on empty.
The good news is you don’t have to figure it out from a profile alone. Most therapists, including me, offer a free consultation before you commit to anything. That conversation is your chance to get a feel for who they are, how they work, and whether something in you relaxes when you talk to them.
If you’re just beginning your search, I put together a fuller guide to finding the right therapist in Redlands that covers the big picture. This post zooms in on one specific part of that process — what to actually ask when you get on that call.
Why Asking Questions Helps You Find the Right Fit
There’s a common misconception that going to therapy means submitting yourself to an expert who will evaluate you and tell you what to do. Which means a lot of people show up to consultations in interview mode — trying to say the right things, make a good impression, figure out if they’re “sick enough” to be there.
But therapy is a relationship. And in any relationship, fit matters. You are absolutely allowed — encouraged, even — to interview your therapist. The right therapist will welcome your questions. They’ll answer them directly and honestly. And how they respond will tell you as much as what they actually say.
So write these down before your consultation. Bring them. Use them.
7 Questions to Ask a Therapist in Redlands
1. What approaches do you use — and why?
This is the most important question on the list. You want to understand not just what modalities a therapist uses but why they use them — what’s the philosophy underneath the techniques?
My answer: I draw on somatic and body-based approaches, interpersonal neurobiology, and mindfulness-based models including ACT and DBT-informed skills. The reason is simple — most of the women I work with already have plenty of insight. What they need is a way to bring that understanding into their body and their nervous system, not just their thinking mind. We work with what you’re carrying, not just what you know about it.
2. Have you worked with clients who are dealing with what I’m facing?
Specialization matters. A therapist can be highly skilled and still not be the right fit for your specific situation. It’s worth asking directly whether they have experience with anxiety, trauma, relationship patterns, midlife transitions — whatever is most alive for you right now.
My answer: I specialize in working with women navigating anxiety, trauma, and the particular kind of exhaustion that comes from spending years managing everyone else’s needs while quietly losing track of your own. [Link: specialty pages]
3. What does a first session look like?
Knowing what to expect reduces the anxiety of showing up. A good therapist will be able to walk you through what the first session typically looks and feels like — and it should sound human, not clinical.
My answer: The first session is a conversation. You share what’s been weighing on you and what you’re hoping might feel different. I listen — not to assess or diagnose, but to begin understanding your experience. There’s no pressure to have it figured out. The only goal is that you leave feeling heard.
4. How do you track progress?
This question separates therapists who are paying attention to outcomes from ones who are just showing up session after session without a clear direction. You deserve to know that your therapist is actually tracking whether things are shifting.
My answer: Early in our work together we collaborate on a treatment goal — something specific and meaningful to you. Then we check in on it regularly, conversationally, to see how you’re doing. When a goal is met we celebrate that and decide together whether to set a new one or whether the work feels complete. Therapy should have a direction, even if the path isn’t always linear.
5. How do you know when therapy is working?
This is a question worth sitting with yourself too — what would ‘working’ actually feel like for you? But it’s also worth asking your therapist, because their answer will tell you a lot about what they’re actually paying attention to.
My answer: I know therapy is working when clients can be with hard things in new ways. When they come in and tell me about a tough situation they navigated differently. When there’s more ease in the room. When they can name the ways they’re using new skills — and when they can laugh a little about the hard stuff. That humor is actually one of the clearest signs something has genuinely shifted. It doesn’t mean the pain is gone. It means they’re no longer quite so afraid of it.
6. What are your fees — and do you offer a superbill for out-of-network benefits?
Cost is a real consideration and a good therapist won’t make you feel awkward for asking. It’s also worth knowing that if your insurance includes out-of-network mental health benefits, you may be able to get partial reimbursement even if your therapist doesn’t take insurance directly.
My answer: I’m a private pay therapist with a limited number of sliding scale spots available. I provide superbills for clients who want to submit for out-of-network reimbursement — many insurance plans cover a meaningful portion of therapy costs this way. If you’re unsure whether your plan includes OON benefits, it’s worth a quick call to your insurance company before your consultation.
7. What do you do when therapy isn’t working?
This might be the question people are least likely to ask — and one of the most important. A good therapist isn’t attached to being the right fit for everyone. They’re attached to you actually getting better.
My answer: If something isn’t working, I want to know. I’d rather we talk about it directly than have you sit in sessions that aren’t helping. Sometimes we adjust the approach. Sometimes the honest answer is that a different therapist might serve you better — and if that’s the case, I’ll help you find one.
What to Listen for in Their Answers
Beyond the content of what a therapist says, pay attention to how you feel while they’re saying it.
Do you feel like yourself in the conversation, or are you performing? Is there a sense of ease, or are you working hard to seem okay? Does their way of talking about the work make you feel hopeful, or does something subtly close in you?
I’ll be honest about something. Many of the women I work with — and I include my younger self in this — come into therapy hoping someone will finally hand them the guidebook. The one you can flip to the exact page that tells you how to make the hard decision, how to navigate the contradicting feelings, how to know you did it right. The one that somehow lets you bypass all the difficult emotions and arrive at certainty.
I spent years looking for that book. It doesn’t exist.
What therapy actually offers is something different and honestly something better — the capacity to trust yourself without needing the answers in advance. To be with the hard things without being destroyed by them. To find that the wisdom you’ve been looking for outward was closer to home than you thought.
A good therapist won’t hand you the guidebook. They’ll help you stop needing one.
One Last Thing Before Your Consultation
Write your questions down before the call. Seriously — it sounds simple but nerves have a way of clearing your mind at inconvenient moments. Having them in front of you means you don’t have to hold them in your head while also trying to be present in the conversation.
And if you think of something after you hang up? That’s useful information too. A therapist who welcomes follow-up questions before the first session is probably someone who will welcome honesty inside it.
If you’re looking for a therapist in Redlands and want to start with a conversation, I’d love to connect. My consultations are free, there’s no pressure, and you can bring every question on your list.
Schedule a free consultation → click here to find a time to talk
Author Bio
Kathy Jaffe, LCSW is a therapist in Redlands, CA specializing in work with women navigating anxiety, trauma, relationships, and midlife transitions. Her approach draws on interpersonal neurobiology, somatic therapy, and mindfulness-based models including ACT and DBT-informed skills — and a deep belief that your system already knows how to heal. Learn more about working with her.
